Mother's Day can feel far from celebratory when you're grieving. Reminders are everywhere, and the absence and sorrow can be overwhelming. David Kessler, a grief expert and founder of Tender Hearts, recently discussed this topic. Your child remains your child, whether they died in your womb or at the age of 50. Death is final, shattering all our dreams with that child. Some people can be insensitive or unaware of grief, expecting parents to simply move on. There's no model or timeline for grief; it's a deeply personal and intense experience.

Dealing with the pain can be incredibly challenging. Being a bereaved parent is devastating, and it's difficult to explain to others. While the journey is unique to each person, certain things may help. Speaking your child's name and having witnesses to your loss can provide support, so joining a grief group may be beneficial.

Common condolences like "Are you better now?" or "Time heals all wounds" can have the opposite effect, making the pain feel even more acute. Bereaved parents may appear brave and strong, but they're also hurting and sad. It's important to acknowledge that grieving doesn't have a fixed timeline; the impact of the loss can persist.

Death casts a long shadow, especially in the early stages of grief, which typically last for the first two years. The depth of grief often correlates with the depth of love.

Here are some tips to help handle Mother's Day:

·         Allow yourself to experience the day however it unfolds. There's no right or wrong way to do Mother's Day.

·         Consider visiting the cemetery or a place that honours your loved one as a way to connect with your grief.

·         Instead of hoping friends and family will offer support, directly communicate your needs. For example, you could ask your best friend to join you for coffee.

·         Recognise that resilience can also mean allowing yourself to stay in bed and take refuge under the covers.

·         If you have other children and have experienced the loss of a child(ren), prioritise your grief. Take time for yourself in the morning before tending to the needs of others throughout the day.  You can celebrate with the other children the best way you see fit.

If you are not reaching a state where you can find meaning again, you might want to consider to reach out to a therapist or counsellor.  They are trained to navigate along with you the uncertain future.  If you are yearning it is normal, but if you feel suicidal, don’t wait to ask for grief counselling.