{"id":651,"date":"2024-09-25T09:18:52","date_gmt":"2024-09-25T09:18:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/?p=651"},"modified":"2024-09-25T09:18:52","modified_gmt":"2024-09-25T09:18:52","slug":"when-a-spouse-dies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/?p=651","title":{"rendered":"When a Spouse Dies"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Grief is a universal experience, but losing\na spouse, partner, or significant other is unlike any other loss. This is the\nperson you chose, and they chose you.<\/o:p><\/p>

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Here are some strategies if you find\nyourself needing more support:<\/o:p><\/p>

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Your loss is profound\u2014don\u2019t compare it. I\nhonour your grief as I honour my own. The idea that “you can just find\nanother spouse” is false; no one can replace the person you lost. People\noften try to minimize grief, but this does not help \u2013 in fact it makes it\nworse. Death tears away the life story you were building, the fairy tale you\nimagined, and the future plans you had together. The word grief itself means\n“robbed.”<\/o:p><\/p>

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Love, memories, and legacies endure\nforever. Now, you’re faced with navigating an unfamiliar path. Roles change,\nespecially when family dynamics shift. You raised children together; financial\nresponsibilities may shift as well.<\/o:p><\/p>

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What do you wish others understood about\nyour grief? Conversations often reveal logistical challenges like managing\ndeath certificates and tax returns after a loss.<\/o:p><\/p>

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Rituals, like watching a TV show, sharing\nmeals, vacations, or hobbies, remind us how small moments make up life. You\u2019ll\nfeel the absence during holidays and in everyday routines.<\/o:p><\/p>

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Sex and intimacy can be deeply missed\u2014it’s\nnot just about the act, but about the touch and connection.<\/o:p><\/p>

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Friendships might change too. Married\nfriends may drift away, leaving you feeling like the “fifth wheel.”<\/o:p><\/p>

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After a spouse\u2019s death, other things can\ncome to light, such as: unexpected savings, addictions, affairs or charitable\ndonations you weren\u2019t aware of.<\/o:p><\/p>

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Questions like “What if?”,\n“If only,” and “Should have” can lead to feelings of guilt.\nThe mind tends to focus on guilt because it offers a sense of control, even if\nthe feeling is misplaced. Sadly, our society is often “grief\nilliterate.” People don\u2019t understand how to help and try to fix you\ninstead. Others may judge how you grieve. But grief is deeply personal, tied to\nyour connection with the person. What grieving people need most is for others\nto listen without comparing or giving advice. Your loss needs to be witnessed.\nWell-meaning comments can unintentionally make things worse.<\/o:p><\/p>

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David Kessler mentioned in his recent talk\n\u201cWhen a spouse dies\u201d these ten tips to navigate your bereavement:<\/o:p><\/p>

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1.   \n<\/span>This is your grief to honour. It is as unique as\nyour love, and your grief is valid.<\/o:p><\/p>

2.   \n<\/span>If you have children, show them that pain is\npart of life, but life continues. Remember to “put your oxygen mask on\nfirst.”<\/o:p><\/p>

3.   \n<\/span>Suffering is your mind’s way of trying to\nprotect and predict. Try to turn down the mental noise and turn up your\nself-compassion.<\/o:p><\/p>

4.   \n<\/span>You must feel the pain\u2014it\u2019s tied to the love you\nshared. Though no one can take it away, it will evolve over time.<\/o:p><\/p>

5.   \n<\/span>Be patient with yourself. You can\u2019t rush grief.<\/o:p><\/p>

6.   \n<\/span>Grief affects you physically. You may overeat,\nunder-eat, overdo, or underdo. It’s emotionally exhausting.<\/o:p><\/p>

7.   \n<\/span>Tell your friends how they can support you.\nEducate them on your needs. For example, mornings may be especially difficult,\nor a loved one\u2019s birthday might be approaching. Support groups can also be\nhelpful, as they connect you with others who truly understand.<\/o:p><\/p>

8.   \n<\/span>It is not your responsibility to make your grief\neasier for others to handle. If your grief makes others uncomfortable, you\ndon\u2019t need to apologize or people-please.<\/o:p><\/p>

9.   \n<\/span>Grief needs dedicated time. Although it may seem\noverwhelming, you need to process it in order to move forward with your new\nidentity. Don\u2019t get stuck in the pain.<\/o:p><\/p>

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10.  <\/span>Take\ncare of your grief. While it\u2019s important to grieve fully, it\u2019s equally\nimportant to live fully. If you need more support, don\u2019t hesitate to reach out\nto a counsellor.<\/o:p><\/p><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span>


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Author: Elmarie Spingies<\/span><\/p>

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Grief is a universal experience, but losing a spouse, partner, or significant other is unlike any other loss. This is the person you chose, and they chose you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":652,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grief-loss"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=651"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":655,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/651\/revisions\/655"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/paserocounselling.co.za\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}