Families
are often the first to seek help when a loved one struggles with addiction.
However, without the right guidance, they may unintentionally enable
destructive behavior. When someone is dealing with addiction, it
creates a new family identity and dynamic. Family members often take on
different roles because their loved one is struggling with addiction or is in a
recovery centre. Families need to recognize what has been lost due to the chaos
of addiction—like shared values and beliefs—and figure out how to heal. They
might consider how family members have been affected, the well-being of
siblings, and the state of their relationships.
Having a healthy family system
is crucial for everyone’s healing. Here are some common roles family members
might assume:
The Victim: This person often feels sorry for themselves, avoids taking responsibility, and gives reasons for not changing their behaviour.
Many families are not
well-informed about addiction-related issues like enabling, manipulation, and
co-dependency. This lack of knowledge can be harmful. Supporters of recovering
addicts also need to recognize how they’ve changed and what they may have lost,
making some self-reflection important to avoid behaviours that could hurt their
loved one's recovery, or keep them stuck in the addiction cycle.
Family members involved in the
recovery process should consider some important questions to understand their
roles better:
Am I too involved in the chaos?
How much time do I spend thinking about or talking about my loved one?
Have they become my sole purpose?
Am I ignoring the problem and just trying to carry on as usual?
Have I accepted chaos as my new normal?
Do I need crises to feel important?
Am I trying to manage or control my loved one’s life?
Do I think that if I fix their problems, everything else will fall into place?
Other harmful behaviours can also negatively impact the family as a unit. If supporters act out of fear or expect the worst, it creates disconnection instead of connection, which only happens when driven by love and support.
Some supporters mistakenly believe that a loved one will be instantly cured after a short stay in a rehabilitation facility, not realizing that they might not be ready for recovery and still in denial. Believing in quick fixes can lead to disappointment. The fact is that the longer the recovering addict stays in treatment, the better the chances are for them to become sober in the long run.
Supporters must acknowledge their own powerlessness over addiction, recognize the need for their own healing journey and embrace the recovery options available to them. It’s common for supporters to feel traumatised and hopeless due to the addict’s behaviour - and the emotional or financial effects it had on the family, but they must understand this experience is often beyond their control.
There is hope, though. By seeking professional help, learning about addiction and recovery, joining support groups, and trusting the treatment process, supporters can build skills to maintain their self-esteem and grow as healthy individuals.
Pasero Counselling wants to provide support to families, break the cycle of addiction, and help guide addicts toward recovery.
