Grief is a universal experience, but losing a spouse, partner, or significant other is unlike any other loss. This is the person you chose, and they chose you.

Here are some strategies if you find yourself needing more support:

Your loss is profound—don’t compare it. I honour your grief as I honour my own. The idea that "you can just find another spouse" is false; no one can replace the person you lost. People often try to minimize grief, but this does not help – in fact it makes it worse. Death tears away the life story you were building, the fairy tale you imagined, and the future plans you had together. The word grief itself means "robbed."

Love, memories, and legacies endure forever. Now, you're faced with navigating an unfamiliar path. Roles change, especially when family dynamics shift. You raised children together; financial responsibilities may shift as well.

What do you wish others understood about your grief? Conversations often reveal logistical challenges like managing death certificates and tax returns after a loss.

Rituals, like watching a TV show, sharing meals, vacations, or hobbies, remind us how small moments make up life. You’ll feel the absence during holidays and in everyday routines.

Sex and intimacy can be deeply missed—it's not just about the act, but about the touch and connection.

Friendships might change too. Married friends may drift away, leaving you feeling like the "fifth wheel."

After a spouse’s death, other things can come to light, such as: unexpected savings, addictions, affairs or charitable donations you weren’t aware of.

Questions like "What if?", "If only," and "Should have" can lead to feelings of guilt. The mind tends to focus on guilt because it offers a sense of control, even if the feeling is misplaced. Sadly, our society is often "grief illiterate." People don’t understand how to help and try to fix you instead. Others may judge how you grieve. But grief is deeply personal, tied to your connection with the person. What grieving people need most is for others to listen without comparing or giving advice. Your loss needs to be witnessed. Well-meaning comments can unintentionally make things worse.

David Kessler mentioned in his recent talk “When a spouse dies” these ten tips to navigate your bereavement:

1.    This is your grief to honour. It is as unique as your love, and your grief is valid.

2.    If you have children, show them that pain is part of life, but life continues. Remember to "put your oxygen mask on first."

3.    Suffering is your mind's way of trying to protect and predict. Try to turn down the mental noise and turn up your self-compassion.

4.    You must feel the pain—it’s tied to the love you shared. Though no one can take it away, it will evolve over time.

5.    Be patient with yourself. You can’t rush grief.

6.    Grief affects you physically. You may overeat, under-eat, overdo, or underdo. It's emotionally exhausting.

7.    Tell your friends how they can support you. Educate them on your needs. For example, mornings may be especially difficult, or a loved one’s birthday might be approaching. Support groups can also be helpful, as they connect you with others who truly understand.

8.    It is not your responsibility to make your grief easier for others to handle. If your grief makes others uncomfortable, you don’t need to apologize or people-please.

9.    Grief needs dedicated time. Although it may seem overwhelming, you need to process it in order to move forward with your new identity. Don’t get stuck in the pain.

10.  Take care of your grief. While it’s important to grieve fully, it’s equally important to live fully. If you need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counsellor.