Pretty soon you're really good at complaining because while practice may not make perfect, it does make myelin, a microscopic neural substance that adds considerable speed and accuracy to thoughts and movement. Myelin is kind of like a muscle, except instead of strengthening your body, it strengthens neural pathways related to a particular skill.  

Problem is, your neural pathways aren't equipped to make value judgments. Do something positive over and over again, and you'll gain a useful skill and habit. Do something negative over and over again, and you'll build a destructive skill and habit.

Either way, you've altered your brain.

Neural networks are built on synapses, small gaps at the end of neurons that allow electrical or chemical signals to pass from one neuron to the next. That's how nerve cells connect. Every time a charge is triggered, the synapses move microscopically closer together to decrease the distance and therefore the lag time. In really simple terms, think muscle memory. 

That adaptation helps build patterns of thought and behavior. The result is a virtuous cycle if you're trying to learn a helpful new skill, and a vicious cycle if you regularly do something less positive.

Like complaining. Think of it as a bizarre version of the law of attraction: Complaining will cause you to "attract" more experiences you can complain about (except in this case the phenomenon is based on science, not philosophy).

Complain, and over time it's easier to be negative than positive. Complain often enough, and for some complaining becomes a default behavior. Oh, they'll say they're perfectionists. Or they'll say they have extremely high standards.

But really, they've just learned to complain -- and trained their neural pathways to be really good at complaining.

But What About Venting?

I know what you're thinking: when you're mad, upset, frustrated, etc., releasing those negative feelings helps you feel better.

Nope. Science says venting, whining, or complaining about a problem makes a bad situation worse. According to a study published in the European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, the more participants vented, the worse they felt their day had gone -- and the longer those negative feelings last.

As the researchers write:

[Participants] not only reported lower momentary mood and less satisfaction and pride with the work they'd been doing that same day ... but they also tended to experience lower mood the next morning ... and lower pride in next-day accomplishments.

And if that's not enough, those feelings affect the people around you. Stanford research shows exposure to negativity peels back neurons in the hippocampus, the part of your brain used for problem-solving and cognitive function. And if Jim Rohn is right and we are the average of the five people we hang out with, if one or two of those people tend to complain a lot, research shows their behaviors affect yours.

Just as yours affects them.

So what should you do instead of complaining? First, recognize that how you respond to anything isn't predetermined. How you react is always a choice.

If something bad happens to or around you, you get to choose how you'll respond. If something goes wrong, you get to choose how you'll respond. If someone does something you don't like, you get to choose how you'll respond.

That's an underlying premise of Stoicism: While you will never be able to control everything that happens, you can always control how you respond.

The next time something goes wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that same effort into making the situation better. Talk -- or better yet, think -- about what you can change. Or what you'll do next time. Or what you won't do next time. Practice responding that way, and in time you'll build up neural pathways that make responding that way even easier.

In effect, staying positive, even in the face of adversity -- will become a skill, one built through deliberate practice.

But don't stop there. When the people around you complain, definitely listen -- but then help them focus on helping them find ways to improve the situation. 

Because good friends don't let friends whine.