I recently tuned into a conversation between Alex Howard and David Kessler on this subject and was once again reminded of the crucial insight in counselling: that grief and trauma often go hand in hand. When we undergo a traumatic experience, we invariably find ourselves grieving the things we have lost—whether it is our innocence, a significant other, a child, a limb, or perhaps even the dream of what we envisioned our life to be. According to Kessler, grief can be aptly described as the unwelcome change thrust upon our lives.

Traumatic events such as divorce, rape, assault, or death compel us to be mindful of the emotions and feelings we have endured. Suppressing these emotions erects walls around us, serving as a defense mechanism against further hurt or pain. However, these very walls become a prison if left unprocessed, hindering our personal growth and preventing us from embracing joy and a fulfilling life once more.

It is common for people to resort to coping mechanisms like overworking, excessive alcohol consumption, or drug abuse when they fail to acknowledge their feelings. Recognizing and inviting these emotions in for processing is crucial, as the saying goes: "You can't heal what you don't feel."

With the right tools and techniques, it is possible to reclaim our power, invite healthier perspectives, and dial down the noise in our minds. While it may be challenging, with support, we can unpack and navigate difficult inner experiences.

Are you carrying a black backpack filled with shame or guilt? It is possible that you haven't fully addressed all aspects of past traumatic events and may not realize it is time to dismantle the walls preventing healing and happiness.

As Alex Howard noted, trauma shapes us but does not define us. We can rediscover our identity and find meaning once again.